24.02.10 9.30pm

today went over to my mother house to pay her a visit. she told me that karen was telling her tat she is owing to the hdb abt 10k and she mentioned to her abt what i told her rgdg alvin's case..and i think she commented to mother that i m telling her these matter maybe indirectly wanted a loan from her knowingly that she had sold off her pte property. i told her i have no other intention but just to voice out so my chest wont be so heavy and furthermore his 2 good friends oredi helping him to pay off his debts. fortunately he had friends in need when he is having problem.
like my elder sis when mother mentioned to her that if moving house i like to have 2 crystal ball from the partition and she just shouted and reject the idea. i told mother not to worry as long as i am not selfish will do.. let them do wat they like lor..why other ppl siblings are very co-operative and why our sibling is so selfish and not co-operative..i told mother my character is to talk out and everyone can share and be happy as wat we are not to envy who is rich and who is poor. yeah i know my family member they really look down on me very much..they feel i am a burden to them only i just dont wan to interfere so much in each and every one affair. every one has their own family and wat is there to interfere abt.
the day i married out from the house i already tried my best not to trouble my family member..many things had to be settled by myself and end of the day making myself a blacksheep in the family.
jalan raya house was mortgaged 2 x for the sake of the eldest sister..in the end every thing was taken away by the bank..now she is complaining that she is contributing alot to the family but to my thinking and facts.. the house mortgage 2 x coming to abt 2 odd million and where the money goes..as far as i know their tptn company is doing quite well. but why landed to this plight. so now she work and contributed to the household i feel that it is a repayment and not to claim any credit.
i always tell mother no need to talk anything abt me or wat i said bcos end of the day all blame will start coming back to me.
when u are a black sheep forever u are a black sheep. no hard feelings abt my own life.
be happy to wat u are and not to follow wat u are not suppose to follow.

21.02.10 10.50pm

18.02.10 went to ttsh for follow up checkup and was glad that the next apptmt will be in 6 mths. met florence at the pahrmacy talking to our cousin sister elisia. while talking with them at the same told them that later afternoon my hubby also had his checkup, her fuckup attitude just snap off by passing remarks why my family is so unfortunate but i think i m lucky bcos she is more unlucky than me haveing a son with this kind of peanut allergy n hv to b very careful for the rest of his life if the allergy dont wear off. always remember do not comment on others where things may befall on you. well i m born to be look down upon by own siblings even though how hard to please them will also not appreciated. well arthiritis is another baby that i have to look after for life. change my life style will help to improve the sickness.
19.02.10 arlene and i have a good talk abt many things how to forgive and forget a person even they have done us wrong. we were also talking abt if i pass on where will be my ash been store and she also tells me that if i shd need anything from the other side must tell her in her dream so she will be able to prepare for me..hehehehe.
i am very happy that we spent time to talking abt nonsense or any other factors of things in life..and it is really wonderful.
20.02.10 alvin's off day and at least he went to pay a visit to his granny. later in the evening he and his family came over to have dinner and follow by mahjong session. but baby is not feeling well..having cough, running nose, and slight fever. i think this is part and parcel of growing up but seeing her coughing really very uncomfortable.
21.02.10 today chuhui and guowei call up to wish me happy new year after so many years anyway i m happy they call me at least they can remember.
i am grateful to my mother who deliver me to this world and let me have a new lease of life as what i am today married with three children and also a grandmother. overall i am very happy to have a close and understanding children and husband. so consider i am very lucky lah.
sign off for today.

Wed 03/02/2010 10.20pm

today's weather blazing hot. waited for ntuc delivery until 1.30pm. didnt check my mail the last 2 days and reply for meimei ntuc order rgdg out of stock against her invoice until my son got so fedup with me...i really getting more and more forgetful and i think i took too much medication and causes me to be forgetful gradually.
yesterday i ask my good son-in-law to hang up the curtain instead come jome with a heavy heart pour his anger at the dog. in the end the old man and the old lady had to finish the work.
finish my ironing, mopping the floor now going to take my shower. rest for the next day.

25.01.10, monday, 9.15pm

today my health is fine. tomorrow nite will follow up with the chinese physician check up. bb same quite mischievious and yet adorable. this evening hubby told me he lost $50 from his trouser pocket. curious how come the $ is missing from his pocket. all these years with him never ever touch even his wallet. as for ting always take from his day earnings and then i will keep in the balance. really keeping me in suspense for so many years no money misplaced now missing from his pocket.
actually i regretted so how for looking after bb if only i can carry on working somewhere else financial in the family wont be so bad always depending on him to bring in the money. at first think my son at least can pay me abt 300 to 400 a month but never know he spent all his money and now instead have to help him indirectly..if my children is caring enuf to help me some monetary every monthly then things wont be so difficult..at time have to help my daughter and the lazy son-in-law. just imagine how my heart really aches. as for ting as if like money is not enuf for her spending..every day to school is 20 a day for 5 days will be 100 and for a month will be 400 plus ezlink 100 plus misc 50, these are just the est cost. every month she will be spending, sometimes she feels that we are not giving her enuf. i really dunno wat to do, i m really at a lost. thinking as she grows older she will become more wise in spending and in life. i think i am too naive to think that they can think like wat we r when we were young. the older kids have no brain to think than wat do i expect from her.
my heart deep inside is very very sad. now ting will spend time with isaac whenever she have time but to this empty house is always a gap. she at times so rude to me and i have to tolerate and my heart really bleeds (how sad to be a mother of 3 kids and wife of a husband.

20.01.2010 10.30pm

today accompany hubby to ttsh to check on his ears and doctor siow decided to insert a tube into his ear to allow the liquid to flow out from the inner ear. everything seems fine before he goes in for the insertion opt when done the nurse told me he is giddy an ask him to rest awhile. after making payment and collecting the medicine and came straight home, h4 his bath suddenly he vomitted very bad for 2 times and i gave him warm water and i know he is very uncomfortable and b4 he sleep he took the medicine and when he was about to sleep again he vomitted and i quickly call up to the doctor he say this is nothing serious about and let him have plenty of rest to see the outcome and when he wakes up he decided to go and drive his taxi because he cant afford to give cash for the fare.
as for myself yesterday, 19.01.10, went to c chinese physician for my hip and at least today feeling better but have this difficulty in breathing went to c 24hr clinic to c doctor n doc suspect tat i m hvg asthma but i believe i m putting on weight tat making pressure to my lungs tat make me having difficulty in breathing..anyway they gave me the medication so just take lah.
feeling disappointed in life; at this age still have to worry abt the son, the daughter (married) and daughter (schooling). thinking that hubby have to work very hard to support this household is very tough and i know it is very difficult for him to relax. he try his very best to support the youngest daughter to finish her studies and those were the days if he had cash always give alot of priorities to her but i dunno whether does she appreciate her father effort put on her. i hope she must bear in mind that the father hard earned money spent on her will be put on good use in the future.
on the other hand when i c issac father bought her a camera u can c happy she is and this make her to spend more time with him and his family,her mother dun feel good most of the time and some time need assistance but no where to find her and her worried father every night have to call up and ask whether she is home or not. he knows the daughter dun listen much to us as we dun request so much from her but she must spare us a thought that we are still financing her educations and pocket money it may not be much but she must be appreciative. her friend dun finance her education or give her daily pocket money.. no matter how still the father try to give her as much. sometimes hurt me deeply as she distest to come home early and by answering back to me why shd she comes home early as long as she comes back will be good enuf..honestly this is not the type of daughter that i have. i know she wan to spend more time with her friends i cant stopped it but at time she have to think abt me and her father.
for the time being of my woes...

16.01.2010 11.45pm

today my health is slightly better especially the body pain. baby behaving quite well sticking to the grandpa and her small aunt. went over to her place this evening, after hearing my daughter-in-law woes i know my son is in the wrong. every wife is very sensitive with their husband behaviour especially hurting her feeling one after another. i thought my son married with a daughter should be able to think wisely but to no avail. i do not know wat exactly in his mind..i am quite suspicious he had spent his money lavishly to maybe other woman whom he feels can give him comfort but didnt know that all these woman only wan to enjoy themselves of course they will sympathise him for their benefit. if meimei decided to give up on him and bring baby with her to her hometown..u know how sad to hear that especially she is under our care and getting more adorable each day just imagine how am i going to take it if this incident is going to happen..i have been spending sleepless night thinking of audrey and her husband... having a son-in-law like having an ornament place in the house have to be hand carried everytime...as for arlene i dont understand she likes to spend so much time outside i am worried she will worn out and her health wont be so good..everytime advise her she just feel that i am a nag. i am worried for her because she has to put effort in her studies and i know it is quite stressful at times.. that's why i always tell her to have more rest not to stay out late or sleep very late. i need to sign off..

28th Des 2009

feeling very down and disappointed after the incident on 27/12/09 how my youngest sis just snatch away the documents from my hand just imagine she is treating me like an alien in the family. this morning spoken to my mother and i m feeling very much better at least she understand my standing in the family. only thing i do not understand is why my own sister always like to condemn me which i didnt do them any harm as i was married at a very yound age where some of my sisters are still young. i think that is the reason why we are not closed to each other..anyway the most important in the family is still my mother i still feel that she is a great mother even though she is biased abt during my younger days but i dont bear any hard feelings towards her just to be filial as long as she is alive, she brought me to this world where i can have my family, my children, and also a granddaughter. i m quite contented with my life.
my greatest worry in my family is the youngest girl. she really at times given me alot of heart attack and also some disappointment. as a mother to her i have no other choice just to tolerate and guide her along, my major worry is she may affect her school work gradually with all the mixing around with companies which we do not know whether they are guiding her or leading her astray as she had been absent many times or should i say play truant from school. i just hope that with my nagging and concern will make her realise that we always love her and treasure..that's all for today.